Updated: Aug 6, 2020
"Creepy & Coming to Get You"
Apparently, I found something you all love….Last week’s blog and YouTube Video, Totally Terrifying Toys – Dangerous or Ridiculous, was an international sensation….so, I just had to throw together a mediocre sequel. That’s just what you do. So here it is…. Totally Terrifying Toys Two, Creepy & Coming to Get You & I want bore you with a long lead in commercial about me or my blog or youtube channel, because I want to jump right in and you know the deal….please SUBSCRIBE….blah, blah….
I hope the 10 “carefully curated” & Totally Terrifying Toys visually message your cortex… a little bit of fun for some, guilty pleasure for others, and perhaps memory lane for you.
1979 Kenner ALIEN Action Figure
Number 10 on my list is the 1979 Kenner Xenomorph Action Figure. You know him as Ridley Scott’s loveable ALIEN and as anyone who saw the original movie knows, this was definitely was not for kids...you know, back when rate R, meant Rated R…apparently, back then, parents were too lazy to get up and deal with screams of their scared children’s nightmares, unlike today. But enter Kenner, they just wanted to follow up with their wildly successful Star Wars Toy Line, and he (or she) was from outer space. See the logic.
Sadly, the sales of this 18″ beast were incredibly poor, and after the stir of all the parental outrage, and pre-twitter mind you, Kenner had no choice but to pull the action figure from the shelves. And note, this is when you would write actual letters to a company about you outrage, grass roots style. With stamps and envelopes. Weird…So they must have really hated this toy. Today, mint in the box they can realize $500-$1000 on sites like eBay. My favorite function or feature? “His Evil Brains Glow in the Dark!”
1985 Bandai God Jesus Robot
Ninth on my list is a “typical” sort of….toy robot….& kept thinking when I saw this, it was just an unfortunate case of “lost in Translation”…& when he arrived packaged for the US Market, it’s box read 1985 Bandai God Jesus Robot….strange stuff like that used to happen back in the day with imported toys. The translation might have meant something else or there was simple confusion. Some of the older imported toy instruction manuals are great reads…,like mad libs, but when I saw it’s Cross “accessory”….i knew, he or she….was most likely meant to be the God Jesus Robot.
Plus, one of the box panels, appears to show a girl praying for a boy, she likes ? And, the Robot granting her wish, I think….just like A God Jesus Robot would do. You know the old adage, “What would God Jesus Robot do.”
1975 Kenner The Man of 1000 Faces
Presenting number 8 on my list and again, from Kenner, Hugo, The Man of 1000 Faces Toy from 1975. He is not Dr. Evil, although I wonder if Kenner ever thought about suing Mike Meyers. He came with a hair piece, mustache, beard, horrific sets of teeth, scars, glasses, chins and…..lets get back to the teeth and scars….these are supposed to be disguises, right? 90% of the disguises, to me…..appear as if you were trying to sneak in to an insane asylum, nuclear fallout shelter,or Hannibal Lecter’s dungeon. Bizarre…
1970 Marx Skinny Bones
Number 7 is a hard to find toy, but some of you must have had him. He’s the 1970 Marx Toys Skinny Bones and he was part of a family which included Ginny Bones and their dog, Ham Bones….an odd ball for sure. Fun fact, I used to sell large toy collections for people all over the US and I’ve had the pleasure of seeing some amazing collections but never one of these guys…complete that is.
What I mean by that is, I’d find their heads often in Estate Clean Outs but never knew what they went to….years later, I finally saw a box, online, researching something else, and the mystery of the “creepy Toy Box doll heads” had been solved. That sounds like an episode of Scooby Doo.
1965 Topper Six Finger Spy Toy Gun
Number 6 comes to us from 1965 and was produced by the Topper Toy Company. It’s the SixFinger Spy Toy Gun. Called the 6 finger, as it turns what would have been a birth defect, in to a weapon that shot all sorts of choking hazards.
It shots an SOS message, a Secret Bullet, a Fragmentation Bomb, a Message Missile, and a Cap Bomb. All of which are the perfect size to lose, hurt someone or get lodged in a throat…great wholesome fun. Oh yes….and every boy thought “it looks just like a….finger.”
Poopsie Slime Surprise Unicorn
Okay, on to Number5 & Just the name alone….Poopsie Slime Surprise Unicorn….should be enough, but here’s the description. “Each time you feed your surprise Unicorn and sit her on her glitter potty, she creates surprise….collectible Unicorn poop!” Who knew it was collectible, but I digress….”Transform your unicorn poop over and over again with Unicorn magic! Over 20 magic surprises included with each surprise Unicorn!”
And in case you wanted to know, this came out in 2018 and is still available online! I know what you are thinking, next years White Elephant?
2010 Disney Pixar Toy Story BABY FACE Remote Control Toy
Let’s move on. It’s nothing for number 4 to fetch $500 on eBay….and he was only $39.50 retail in 2010….that’s a great return should you have happened to invested. But your kid had to have wanted Baby Face from Disney’s Toy Story Series…
I am pretty sure I would have asked Santa for him. This is a great example of “trying to predict” what will be hot. In toys, a lot of the time, it’s the odd ball toy that didn’t sell well from a popular movie or series, like this guy….or other times, it’s a toy from a movie or show that might have been originally a flop but then developed a cult following…like The Original 1993 Hasbro Nightmare before Christmas Toys, etc. If we could all be Nostradamus!
1964 Mattel Creepy Crawlers Set
Number 3 is from 1964 and I had to have it on this list. Mattel’s Original CREEPY CRAWLERS Kit was so much dangerous fun. It featured a hot plate which got up to about 300 degrees. This is for kids mind you. A child would then pour a substance called "Plastigoop" into a metal mold on the hot plate to let them bake. Sounds very safe.
While baking you could enjoy the toxic fumes of goop….all to create fabulous plastic bugs. The instructions said to “wait” before removing,….sure…kids ain’t got no time for that. So, as expected, this baby burned many fingers, lungs and and the hot goo stuck to everything…. they made variations of this for years…because, no matter the danger, it was very popular. Then, they came out with an edible version and you guessed it…..Kids thought they were all edible.
Anyway, I’ve always believed most of the dangerous toys out there were designed for the Darwin Theory…you know, to thin the heard a bit….an generally with the bullseye seeming on little boys…but #2 was all girl danger…..
1996 Galoob’s Sky Dancers
Based on a hit cartoon show, these flying fairies are much more dangerous than they look. Pull the ripcord on the launcher and they spin elegantly up into the air, or…..into faces, and after 100s of reported eye injuries, broken teeth, and other lacerations, Galoob ended up recalling the girls….almost 9 million of them ! Wow.
The Ouija Board
Okay, we are here at number 1…and I had to go here…it’s The Ouija Board! Parker Brothers decided years ago that letting children (Ages 8 and up) talk to the dead. What could possibly go wrong? Have they never watched a horror movie, like ever?
And for those of you that say “Oh, they don’t work”….I say…..Beetle Juice 3x, Bloody Mary and Candyman….Candyman….
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